Five star - Latest 1 Star TV Reviews from the Guardian

Mariah Meets Rylan review – absolutely exhausting viewing
Rylan sits down with the star for a festive fireside chat and gets … nothing in return. He is a trouper and deserves a medal for this - Lucy Mangan
Beauty in Black review – Tyler Perry’s Netflix series is another lurid mess
The wildly successful mogul’s first drama series for the streamer is a disaster with one-dimensional characters and haphazard plotting - Andrew Lawrence
Hauntings review – there is not a single spark of wit to this meaningless nonsense
This docuseries about supposed paranormal activity is dreary, devoid of creativity and picks an atrocious topic for its opening episode. Could they really not have applied some common sense to the Enfield Poltergeist? - Lucy Mangan
Dating Naked UK review – the US version blurred out the nudity. We didn’t get so lucky
The title is the most subtle part of this nightmarish clothes-free romance show full of thong-shaped tan lines – and the only vaguely entertaining thing about it is the host: Rylan Clark - Rebecca Nicholson
Emily in Paris season four review – as exciting as watching paint dry … if you really hate paint
This televisual black hole is devoid of plot, charisma and intrigue. Absolutely nothing happens, bar the odd dead-eyed conversation about the price of face cream - Leila Latif
Orlando Bloom: To the Edge review – even Katy Perry doesn’t care about her fiance’s irritating exploits
Legolas from Lord of the Rings learns new skills in a way that makes you curl up with embarrassment. Even his pop-star partner can barely feign interest - Lucy Mangan
Exploding Kittens review – unfunny, infuriating and life-sapping
The plot – if you could call it that – of this adaptation of the popular card game makes no sense. The jokes don’t work and the writing is so bad it’s as if they gave up halfway - Lucy Mangan
The Veil review – Elisabeth Moss muddles through creaky spy series
The actor struggles with a distractingly unbelievable British accent in Peaky Blinders creator Steven Knight’s tiresome espionage drama - Benjamin Lee
The Magic Prank Show review – so bad it made me yearn for the Jeremy Beadle years
What a shambolic piece of nothing. What dismal filler. This reality series about a magician playing practical jokes makes zero sense in any way – and is downright tasteless at points - Lucy Mangan
Whites Only: Ade’s Extremist Adventure review – a woeful failure to challenge racism
Ade Adepitan is a charming presenter, but his ‘chilled-out’ approach to entering a ‘whites-only’ South African town is utterly feeble. At points, his passivity is borderline offensive - Leila Latif
The Reaction review – the Daily Mail talkshow is apocalypse now. Head for your bunkers!
In what feels like the instant death of both TV and society, Sarah Vine and Andrew Pierce moan about untimely topics but mainly prove they’re Team Prince Andrew. Why has this monstrosity been made? - Michael Hogan
The Big British Beef Battle review – this utterly shoddy climate documentary is an insult
Presenter Ade Adepitan’s attempt to highlight the environmental impact of beef is totally clueless. It’s stupid, shouty and patronising - Lucy Mangan
Obliterated review – this thriller is so bad you long for the villains to use the nuke
The heroes are US special forces who must find a nuclear bomb while drunk; the villains are … who cares? This action show from the Cobra Kai team is crass, sexist and so unfunny it’s painful - Leila Latif
Faraway Downs review – Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman play two of the worst characters ever
Baz Luhrmann’s six-part adaptation of his bloated 2008 film Australia is … even more bloated. It’s clumsy, confused, borderline exploitative and totally lacking a good story. Enjoy! - Phil Harrison
This Morning review – Sarah Ferguson’s love tips make a doomed show even more disastrous
Can the Duchess of York present TV? Not one bit. Does the Autocue short-circuit her brain? Oh yes. Will she save this sinking ship? Never - Stuart Heritage
I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! review – it is clearly going to be a cakewalk for Nigel Farage
Farage was totally let off the hook by his new campmates – and now they’re all just supporting acts for the xenophobe. Next year, it’s sure to be Boris Johnson’s turn in the jungle - Stuart Heritage
The Crown season 6 review – so bad it’s basically an out-of-body experience
This Diana-obsessed series is the very definition of bad writing. Despite the brilliant cast, it’s a crass, soapy dive into the abyss – not least in the atrocious scenes featuring Ghost Diana - Lucy Mangan
007: Road to a Million review – Brian Cox is so bad it could ruin Succession for you
This desperate Bond-themed reality show is shoddy, boring and soulless – and the onetime Logan Roy is so hammy you’ll never be able to rewatch his HBO epic again - Lucy Mangan
The Great Erection Deception: The Stiff Nights Story review – barely deserves one star
This limp documentary about a supposedly herbal version of Viagra crowbars penis puns into a tortuous voiceover. It’s a flat, lifeless tale that fails to ask any big questions - Lucy Mangan
Sex: A Bonkers History review – the relief when it ends is indescribable
From tragic cucumber jokes to whipping up some ancient Egyptian spermicide, this Amanda Holden and Dan Jones vehicle is an embarrassment from start to finish. You’ll cringe yourself inside out - Lucy Mangan
Who Is Erin Carter? review – the real question is: who cares?
This mystery drama is deathly dull, packed with cliches and atrocious dialogue. It’s the TV equivalent of a cry for help - Lucy Mangan
Alison & Larry: Billericay to Barry review – the dullest celebrity travel show of all time
Are Gavin and Stacey co-stars Alison Steadman and Larry Lamb even friends? You can’t tell from this mind-bendingly banal failure of a series. Who is responsible for this flop? - Rachel Aroesti
The Idol finale review – one of the worst programmes ever made
We were promised the year’s most shocking show. Instead we get a painfully tedious TV non-event, featuring a performance from the Weeknd that should be tried at The Hague - Leila Latif
Significant Other review – nothing about this catastrophic romcom makes any sense
The script feels like a first draft, the male lead is irredeemably selfish and the characters’ actions are inexplicable. Katherine Parkinson’s new show is cold, jarring and misanthropic - Jack Seale
This Morning review – the first post-Phillip Schofield show treats him as if he’s died
After two decades on the sofa and a mysteriously swift departure, giving Schofield just 30 seconds of funereal airtime was enough to leave you shrieking: ‘Is that it?’ - Scott Bryan
Muted review – so bad you’ll want to howl at your TV screen
Gaping plotholes, storylines that just don’t make sense, and a concept that is inexplicably junked at the first opportunity – this Spanish thriller is barely watchable - Jack Seale
Scared of the Dark review – the stupidest reality show of all time
Boring, derivative and occasionally downright horrible, this series convinces celebrities to spend a week fumbling around a pitch-black bunker. It’s tedious in the extreme - Lucy Mangan
The Last Thing He Told Me review – Jennifer Garner is as wooden as her fancy salad bowls
Her husband is missing, she earns improbable amounts of money from carving dishes and … that’s all there is to Garner’s one-note character. Brace for a total lack of entertainment - Ellen E Jones
Match of the Day review – without Lineker, this is just 20 minutes of shameful, joyless TV
The embarrassingly truncated and hilariously silent ‘scab’ MotD proves that Gary Lineker is the best in the game – and that the BBC has absolutely shot itself in the foot - Jack Seale
True Lies review – James Cameron’s action comedy crash-lands on TV
The director’s 1994 film about a spy posing as a mild-mannered married man is cheapened with a junky small-screen transfer - Benjamin Lee
Wolf Pack review – Sarah Michelle Gellar’s TV comeback is mind-bendingly bad
This startlingly awful teen werewolf drama is a cheesy, trope-packed mess. It’s full of dodgy acting, nonsensical dialogue and inexplicable plot – this is no Buffy … - Jack Seale
Gangs of London season two review – why do millions of people watch this bloody dross?
Like Top Boy or Peaky Blinders turned up to 11, this ultraviolent television is literally eye-popping. What a pity it has banter so bad even Guy Ritchie would scoff - Stuart Jeffries
Unbreakable review – I’m not paid enough to watch such boring and desperate TV
A couple’s anecdote about a Rod Stewart tribute act is the only good thing about this competition that puts celebrity relationships to the test. Everything else is dire - Lucy Mangan
La Brea review – this sinkhole drama is gloriously, brazenly bad. I love it
An instantly annoying family fall into a sinkhole and find themselves trapped in prehistoric times with sabre-toothed tigers after them. To say the plot is by numbers is to slander numbers - Lucy Mangan
The Terminal List review – Chris Pratt’s Amazon action series is terminally dull
The star makes for a listless lead in a dated and drably made eight-part military thriller that offers little intrigue or excitement - Benjamin Lee
The Island review – this nautical panel show is so laugh-free it’s a wreck
Four comedians spend an hour sitting around a table, imagining they’re on a cruise ship that has run aground. How is this going to stretch to five episodes? - Jack Seale
The Gilded Age review – Julian Fellowes’ stinky rich New Yorkers are sheer agony
Forget Downton … here’s the new and definitely not improved Brownstone Abbey – and these posh Americans spout nothing but drivel. Does Fellowes actually write this stuff in his sleep? - Lucy Mangan
The Love Triangle review – a pointless, painful hour of attempted threesomes
This agonising new dating show sees couples look for a third person to spice up their relationship, via dull quizzes and – worse still – English melancholy - Lucy Mangan
Britney vs Spears review – Netflix doc is schlocky, trashy and deeply uncomfortable
Certainly not in the pop star’s best interests, this disturbing film gives redemption stories to controversial figures from Britney’s past. Nothing about this feels right - Michael Cragg
Gossip Girl review – completely stupid in all the wrong ways
The original show was fabulously bonkers, packed with awfully rich people being awful to each other. The reboot is fatally earnest, and instantly doomed - Lucy Mangan
Changing Rooms review – design so dreadful you’ll be scarred for life
Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen, the king of the MDF makeover, returns to our screens with Anna Richardson to create more spray-painted, gold-leafed visions from hell - Lucy Mangan
Apocalypse Wow review – the worst thing you will ever see with your eyes
In this budget BDSM game show, D-list celebs demean themselves for absolutely no one’s pleasure. What a tragic torture palace - Lucy Mangan
GB News review – Andrew Neil’s alternative BBC? Utterly deadly stuff
The ‘anti-woke’ news channel had Andrew Neil and Alan Sugar, but no Piers Morgan – and the opening night felt like the furthest thing from appointment TV imaginable. I give it a year - Stuart Jeffries
Clarkson’s Farm review – Jeremy the ignoramus rides again
Eight hours of a buffoon screwing things up for our supposed entertainment is bad enough, but it’s his total contempt for farming that makes this such a grim harvest - Lucy Mangan
The Wedding Coach review – extremely loud and incredibly gross
Most weddings are noisy and panic-strewn. But this dire Netflix show has found somebody who wants to make them even worse - Lucy Mangan
Generation review – ambitious, sexually fluid teen show rings hollow
HBO’s new Lena Dunham-produced drama from a father-daughter team aims for slick edginess but devolves into nonsense - Adrian Horton
Luxury Holidays: How To Get Away This Year review – what sort of masochist would watch this?
We can’t go on holiday at the moment, so a Channel 4 series about it is enough to have my blood pressure surging - Stuart Heritage
Big Sky review – David E Kelley and Disney deliver derivative dross
There’s nothing wrong with trash, but this new thriller from the Big Little Lies creator – airing on Disney+’s Star – is regressive, horribly written, and just plain bad - Lucy Mangan
Love Bites review – dire cookery dating show leaves a bad taste
Three contestants woo a would-be lover with food in ITV2’s new courtship contest – and it’s so abysmal that even the charming Scarlett Moffatt can’t salvage it - Lucy Mangan
The Outpost review: Game of Thrones – as written by a microdosing monkey
The determinedly second-tier fantasy series has reached season three, bringing with it some of the most effortful and painful things I have ever had to witness on screen - Lucy Mangan
Emily in Paris review – an excruciating exorcism of French cliches
Reputedly a comedy drama, the latest from the creator of Sex and the City is little more than an excuse for Lily Collins to espouse the American way - Rebecca Nicholson
Hoops review – puerile animation is perfect for Trump's America
Jewish kids are nerds, black men are fetishised, and women hardly figure at all in Netflix’s tedious, toxic pageant of frat-boy idiocy and penis gags - Stuart Jeffries
Celebrity Snoop Dogs review – canine Through The Keyhole is a dog's dinner
This insipid show, in which C-list celebrities strap bodycams to their pooches and send them sniffing round the house, has finally, gladly come to and end - Lucy Mangan
Little Voice review – Apple's music comedy hits a bum note
A wannabe singer struggles to find success, love and half-decent dialogue in a vomit-inducing drama that’s cutesy, kooky – and totally unwatchable - Lucy Mangan
The English Game review – Julian Fellowes football drama is an own goal
The Downton Abbey creator looks to the origins of the beautiful game, and ‘t’m’ill workers’ and ‘t’toffs’ who battled it out in the 1879 FA Cup, in this dire Netflix series - Lucy Mangan
100 Humans review – Netflix have your sperm, and they're not afraid to use it
Does a high sperm count make you a better dancer? Can uniform make you sexier? Find out the answers to this and more in the streaming giant’s nonsensical factual series - Lucy Mangan
Harry Redknapp’s Sandbanks Summer review – utter piffle
‘Pull up your pants, this isn’t Southend!’ Watching the ex Spurs manager and chums yucking it up by the genteel seaside will waste your time – and ruin Dorset’s beaches - Stuart Jeffries
The Goop Lab review – so Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t know what a vagina is
Like the star’s wellness brand, this whole show is a demented paean to self-indulgence. And for someone peddling health treatments, she seems alarmingly ignorant about anatomy - Lucy Mangan
Richard Hammond's BIG review – a HUGE hooray for the end of the world!
In this grotesquely ill-advised series, Clarkson’s sidekick goggles at things that are larger than him, ie everything. First stop: the world’s biggest car factory - Stuart Jeffries
The Masked Singer review – is that Angela Lansbury singing You Got the Love? If only!
A duck desecrates Like a Virgin, a unicorn ruins Babooshka, a man in a green onesie flattens Creep … this guess-the-celebrity-singer show is so stupid it could actually kill off Saturday night - Jack Seale
Dolly Parton’s Heartstrings review – country legend sells us a bum steer
This rhinestone-studded schmaltzfest on Netflix inspired by the star’s greatest songs is a terrible misstep. What she was thinking we will never know - Lucy Mangan
The British Tribe Next Door review – why did no one put a stop to this?
Scarlett Moffatt and her Gogglebox clan have flown to Namibia to teach the Himba tribe to iron and climb stairs. How has this implicitly racist idea made it to our screens in 2019? - Lucy Mangan
The I-Land review – Netflix's castaway thriller is not a spoof. It really is this bad
Ten strangers wake on a desert island with wiped memories in Netflix’s catastrophically dire new show. It’s Lost meets The Matrix – only there’s a lot more sharks and sunbathing - Jack Seale
Train Your Baby Like a Dog review – dehumanising and indefensible
Animal trainer and behaviourist Jo-Rosie Haffenden uses controversial methods like clickers and treats to make children behave better. The results are troubling - Chitra Ramaswamy
Man vs Wild with Bear Grylls and PM Modi review – the most tasteless TV ever
In this monstrous propaganda stunt, strongmen Bear Grylls and Narendra Modi sniff elephant dung in the wilderness while a terror attack plays out in Kashmir. God help us all - Chitra Ramaswamy
Shipmates review – a ghastly tableau of sun, sex and swollen genitals
A parade of perfectly buffed party animals strip to their swimwear to compete for a meaningless prize. Remind you of anything? - Lucy Mangan
Emily Atack: Adulting review – proof that the ladette is back
If you think working and doing your own washing are ‘adult challenges’ for someone in their late 20s, this one’s for you - Chitra Ramaswamy
Beecham House review – one man and his beard try to save India
The facial hair and manly chest are distractions in ITV’s new Delhi-set epic, but it’s the white saviour trope that pushes this drama beyond being merely risible - Lucy Mangan
Philip Green & the Trouble With Topshop review – ignoring the real scandal
Green’s fall from grace hardly gets a mention, as this morally bankrupt programme fixates instead on whether the fashion store has lost its cool - Chitra Ramaswamy
Lunatics review – thankfully no blackface, but still painfully unfunny
Chris Lilley’s latest comedy lacks the offensiveness of his past work. But a sigh of relief is still some distance from laughter - Lucy Mangan
The Disappearance of Madeleine McCann review – a moral failure
Netflix’s long-awaited documentary on the McCann case offered no new facts, no new insight – it didn’t even have a point of view - Lucy Mangan
Britain By Boat: 2 Grumpy Sailors review – newsmen run aground
A Friday night spent listening to the inane chatter of bantersaurus types on a yacht? Forgive me for jumping ship - Lucy Mangan
The New Wife review – a hellish reunion for one man and his exes
Shouting, mistrust and jealousy are what happens when you move in with your current and former partners, children and cats. Also, another reality TV hellhole that is Darkness - Sam Wollaston
The Bletchley Circle: San Francisco review – period drama spin-off is admirably awful
The plucky female codebreakers decamp to 60s California for a watchably terrible follow-up to a series no one remembers in the first place - Lucy Mangan
One Strange Rock review – Will Smith getting jiggy with planet Earth
This Hollywood star-hosted documentary undeniably looks great, but is pitched a little too much like a secret advert for the Alpha Course - Sam Wollaston